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INT. NEWS RADIO STATION
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STEVE MACDONALD
Your listening to StraightSpace Radio channel one, brought to you by StraightSpace Media. This is your StraightSpace News, "News never bending, straight your Radio". The time is five o'clock I'm your host Steve Macdonald
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STEVE MACDONALD
Government Enforcers have begun acting on the latest changes in language law. The guidelines around using Queer language have been through significant changes. To walk us through those changes joining us from his home in Coventry is the anti-queer secretary Norman Phallus.
STEVE MACDONALD
Thank you for joining us Mr Phallus, could you tell us more about the changes.
NORMAN PHALLUS
Thankyou for having me. Yes, our leadership has set out new guidelines. We believe that language can be incredibly harmful and in order to protect all citizens from midnight yesterday any words or phrases that are associated with Queer people are being closely monitored with a significant penalty for using them.
STEVE MACDONALD
That sounds like the Government have the every day citizen in mind. I for one support this effort. Where can our listeners get the most up to date information.
NORMAN PHALLUS
The Government have compiled a list of phrases and have now launched a new website and is now available online at canisaythis.co.uk.
STEVE MACDONALD
That sounds fantastic Mr Phallus, are you able to give us any more information what citizens should expect if they report any infringements.
NORMAN PHALLUS
Offenders will be taken to our rehabilitation facility and put through our intensive therapy programme.
STEVE MACDONALD
Do you expect this list to change at all?
NORMAN PHALLUS
Certainly. Language changes all the time. Nobody should be victimised to hear it for the betterment of civilisation. We feel that this will endorse the work that has already been done to ensure that citizens are safe.
STEVE MACDONALD
We are all aware that the migration of people north of the border wall has made the UK a safer place to be.
Do Citizens have anything to be worried about?
NORMAN PHALLUS
Not at all, the wall was a success and best of all we are ensuring that it's fully funded so that the majority of citizens taxes are not affected. Citizens have nothing to worry about.
STEVE MACDONALD
That is very reassuring. Now following on from this news there is something we would like to follow up on. Mr Phallus what do you say to the allegations that occurred a few days ago that your personal aid was arrested for a Grade 4 crime.
NORMAN PHALLUS
(denial)
I did not come on here to talk about this, I have already made a statement that I am utterly unaware of this situation. Whatever he has or has not done I have no knowledge of and I won't stand for you accusing me of being involved.
STEVE MACDONALD
(confused)
I didn't accuse you of anything Mr Phallus but I am sure that any aid attached to an upstanding honourable politician like yourself will be found not guilty.
NORMAN PHALLUS
Quite.
STEVE MACDONALD
That's all from us for now, your next report will be at ten. Once again thank Norman Phallus for taking time out of his heady schedule. Now over to the weather.
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