Scene 1-3

Characters

• Rehab Clerk
• Alan Paul Smith
• Lord Norman Phallus

INT. THE REHAB FACILITY, ISLE OF WIGHT, UK

SFX: FERRY HORN, VAN DRIVING, VAN STOPPING, VAN DOOR BEING OPENED. HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ACROSS GRAVEL WITH ALAN COMPLAINING IN THE BACKGROUND, THEN A HEAVY DOOR OPENING AND SWINGING SHUT.

REHAB CLERK
(flat, bored)
Yes?

DIANA
Grade 2 offence, checking in for rehab.

SFX: PAPERWORK BEING DROPPED ONTO A COUNTER.

REHAB CLERK
(sighing)
Great, another new comer.
Before you leave officer we have some offenders to take with you.

DIANA
How many?

REHAB CLERK
About ten. Unreformable cases, they need to be transported to the border.

DIANA
When?

REHAB CLERK
About an hour.

DIANA
Fine.

REHAB CLERK
(incredibly bored)
Name?

ALAN
Alan Paul Smith.

REHAB CLERK
Age?

ALAN
Seventy-two.

REHAB CLERK
(judgemental under-breath)
You should know better at this age.

ALAN
Pardon?

REHAB CLERK
Nothing. For a Grade 2 offence, you'll be here for the minimum of 2 weeks.

ALAN
I didn't do anything.

REHAB CLERK
(judgemental)
I don't care what you did Mr Smith. Just do your time and you'll get out of here just fine. You are assigned to room 12, this is your key card. If you loose it there will be a £50 charge. Sign here.

SFX: PEN SCRIBBLING ON PAPER.

REHAB CLERK
Take him to the rec room.

SFX: PAPERS BEING FILLED AWAY IN AN OFFICE DRAWER. WALKING DOWN A CORRIDOR AND THROUGH NHS STYLE SWING DOORS.

FADE OUT.